i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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