Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
