Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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