What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
