he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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