I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
