I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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