I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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