I am in a vortex of obligation.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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