She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
