I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
