he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.