I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
