she woke up with a sticky ear
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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