Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
