You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
