I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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