Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
