DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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