what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
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I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
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Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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