He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
