he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
