He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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