I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
