I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
