I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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