My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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