Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
