It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
