I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
