so that wasnt chicken after all
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
