When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
