He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
