Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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