there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
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