you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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