When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
