If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
