I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
