if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
