I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
