I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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