i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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