Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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