God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize