Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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