I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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