I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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