Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
