every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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