There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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