i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
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He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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