I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
