Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
