theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
