I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
